My Hearty

By: Akhi Ryu Go

We started out as bestfriends. From the very first time he already knew that I was gay. We first met at a treehouse by the forest and eversince then, everyday kami nagkikita doon. Lahat ng bagay pinag uusapan namin and since mag best friend kami. We also share our secrets to each other.

One day, napag-usapan namin about sa lovelife namin.

Clarence: So nagkaron ka na ba ng boyfriend noon?

Harron: Nako, I haven't got any since birth. I guess I'm not ready for it. I'd like to focus on my studies and I think ang pag boboyfriend ay nakaka sagabal lang. How about you? ever had girlfriends?

Clarence: I've had a few from the past. All of them, seryosong relasyon. Pero madalas ako yung niloloko. Until I met you. Di na ako nagka girlfriend.

Harron: Oh come on Beanie wag ako. You make it sound like pinipigilan kitang mag girlfriend. I'm just your bestfriend and I know you're straight.

Clarence: Haha I knew you'd say that. Pero alam mo hearty, there's this person. Cute sya, matalino, mabait at masaya akong kasama sya. Sa totoo lang, na in love ako sa kanya since the first day we met.

Nakaramdam ako ng kurot sa puso ko nung narinig ko iyon sa kanya.

Harron: Oh I see. Did you tell her how you feel?

Clarence: Nope. I mean gusto kong sabihin kaso parang imposible.

Harron: And why is that?

Clarence: Basta. Andami mong tanong! haha

Harron: Grabe ka Beanie ha you're keeping secrets from me.

That time nagharutan nalang kami hanggang sa mapagod. I on the other hand, felt a strange relief dahil sa sinabi nya.

The following days he keeps talking about that person. How he likes everything that she does, how happy he is when he's with her and how much he wants to tell her about his true feelings but he just can't do it.

One night ininvite ko si Clarence na mag hangout kinabukasan since wala kaming pasok but he turned me down. He said meron syang importanteng lakad pero kung gusto ko daw, pwede kami magkita sa hapon hanggang gabi and I was like

Harron: "No it's okay. If it's that important unahin mo muna yan."

Clarence: Are you sure?

Harron: Of course Beanie anu kba.

Clarence: Thank you hearty you're the best.

Kinabukasan, pumunta ako sa isang café in town. I saw Clarence there. Nakaupo with a girl. Ang saya saya nila naguusap. It's like they were really close. Even closer than we are. They were laughing and they were really into whatever it is they're talking about. I don't know but I felt so jealous. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, that might be the girl that Clarence was talking about. So that time I chose not to approach them. Lumabas ako agad since they didn't notice me.

Umuwi ako sa bahay feeling dreadful. I feel angry at hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nagagalit or bakit ako magagalit.

Harron: That Beanie!!! Mas pinili pa nyang mag hangout with that girl than me? His long time bestfriend? since when did a girl come between us???!!!

Harron: Wait, what am I saying? It's his personal life and if he's really in love, I should support him. What's going on with me? Could it be that I like Clarence?

Then I shook my head and said: No way! we're bestfriends. I might be feeling this way kase di nya ako napagbigyan today. It's okay. I think I just need some air.

I denied it. I couldn't imagine myself and him being anything but Bffs.

One day at school campus:

Clarence: Hey hearty! kamusta? nagtetext ako sa'yo di ka nag rereply ha? busy?

Harron: Oh hi Beanie. Yeah I'm kinda busy lately and actually, after nito there's a lot of things that I need to do. Do you want to talk about something? You've gotta be quick because I don't have much time.

Clarence: Ah eh wala. Sige. Maiwan na kita para magawa mo kung anu man ang mga gagawin mo.

Harron: Thanks. Bye.

For some reason I don't wanna talk to him at all. Nakakaramdam parin ako ng pagka inis.

After that parati na akong naghahanap ng excuse para lang hindi kami makapag usap at hindi kami magkita. It's either may sakit ako, may lakad ang family, or etc.

Paminsan minsan nakikita ko sila nung girl magkasama sa park, sa cafe and minsan sa school. As usual masaya sila together, nagtatawanan and may instance na yayakapin nya si girl. Which infuriates me. All the more reasons that I avoid him.

I am always thinking to myself:

Bakit ko ba sya iniiwasan? what's wrong with me? why does it hurt when I see him and that girl?

I went on and keep denying to myself what I truly feel.

Isang araw, di ko na kinaya. Namimiss ko na ang bestfriend ko. I can't keep this up. I feel so lonely without him but whenever I remember the times na nakikita ko silang magkasama nung girl, mas pinipili ko nalang tiisin sya. Kase naiisip ko rin na baka maging hindrance lang ako sa kanila.

Kinabukasan, umabsent ako. I went to the treehouse early in the morning kung saan kami palaging nagkikita. For me, it was our very own sacred place. Na dapat kami lang dalawa ang pumupunta doon. Strangely, wala naman kaming nakitang ibang tao na nagpupunta. So everytime, it's just the two of us.

I was planning to stay there hanggang gabi.

Pagsapit ng tanghali dumating si Clarence.

Clarence: Sabi ko na dito lang kita makikita. Tumawag ako sa inyo, wala ka raw sa bahay nyo. I checked the cafe and all the other places where you usually go. But you're not there.

Harron: Actually I was about to leave.

When I walked pass him he grabbed my arm and said

Clarence: Hearty sandali lang, iniiwasan mo ba ako?

Harron: And why would I do that?

Clarence: Kase mag iisang buwan na mahigit hindi tayo nagkikita dito o nagkakausap ng matagal. Ni hindi ka na nga sumasagot sa mga text at tawag ko.

Harron: And that's supposed to be my obligation?

Clarence: Come on hearty. I'm your bestfriend. we've never been like this before. Kung may problema, pwede mo naman akong kausapin.

I looked him in the eyes, then unconsciously my tears started falling.

Clarence: Hearty kung may problema ka, kausapin mo ako.

I didn't talk. Instead, niyakap ko nalang sya then I cried and cried.

Hours later I've calmed down at nakaupo kami sa labas ng treehouse at naguusap na kami ulit.

Clarence: Hearty, na miss kita ng sobra. Kahit ayaw mong e share sakin ang problema mo okay lang. Pero sana sa susunod, wag mo naman akong iwasan. Alam mo nandito lang ako para sa'yo para damayan ka. That's what friends are for.

Harron: I know Beanie and I'm sorry about that. I really am. Namiss din naman kita eh.

Clarence: Asus! kaw talaga! alam ko nagpunta ka dito dahil miss na miss mo na ko at di mo na ako matiis.

Harron: Haha! You wish!

Clarence: Siguro nagkakagusto ka na sakin hearty ano?

Harron: What? no way! in your dreams Beanie!

Clarence: Hhahaha! I was only joking. Anyway, I am pretty depressed lately. Kase yung person na love ko nagtatampo yata sakin. Di nya ako pinapansin tapos ayaw nya na rin makipagkita sakin.

Harron: *Thinks* (Oh great, another story about that girl. I'm sick of it!)

Oh. Na-realize nya siguro na masyado kang makulit.

Clarence: Haha! sa tingin ko hindi yon ang dahilan pero anyway nagkabati nanaman din kami. Masaya na rin ako.

Harron: Oh good for you.

I was telling myself bad for me. May kahati parin ako sa oras at attention mo. Wait what? Yeah it's another one of my denial tantrums.

Harron: Anyway it's good that we're the bestfriends that we were before once again. Kailangan ko na siguro umuwi. Mag gagabi na.

Clarence: Hearty thank you talaga ha. It feels so lonely without you.

Harron: Yeah right.

Pero sobrang kinikilig ako that time na napansin nya nag bublush ako.

Clarence: Bakit namumula ka? May sakit ka ba?

Harron: Um it's nothing! Okay bye! I've got to go. See you tomorrow Beanie!

Tumakbo ako papalayo because it was getting awkward and I don't know how to act in front of him anymore.

Kinabukasan at the treehouse:

Clarence: Harron, may kailangan akong sabihin sa'yo.

Harron: Beanie nakakapanibago naman? Why so formal? You always call me hearty. Anung meron?

Clarence: *Sigh*. My family decided to move to another country.

Nanlumo ako deep inside. The sadness just rushed through. I kept my composure and said:

Harron: And when is this?

Clarence: In four days.

Harron: Wow. You never even told me before. Tapos sasabihin mo ngayon sakin, four days nalang??

Clarence: I've been trying to talk to you remember? Sa totoo lang ang hirap sa loob ko na kinakailangan kong umalis.

Harron: Great! So this is my fault.

Clarence: Hindi! Hindi ko sinasa-

Harron: You know what? Just forget about it. Let's make the most out of the time we have left together. Let's not spend it being sad or blaming anyone.

Clarence: .......

Harron: Hey! Cheer up! Did you hear what I said just now? Come on! Let's go out there and have fun, enjoy the day!

Clarence: Okay. Tara!

Then we spent the last three days going out kung saan namin maiisipan just doing fun things, laughing and having a good time.

A day before ng flight ni Clarence, may scheduled "friendly" date kami at the cafe. I dressed up handsome, and then went outside. I was thinking of trying to convince him to stay, since may mga kamag anak pa naman si Clarence dito. Mayaman ang family ni Clarence and I'm sure kahit naman andito si Clarence masusuportahan nila ang pag aaral nya. Kase I think I can't live without my bestfriend anymore.

I arrived at the cafe and I saw him with the same girl na parati nyang kinukwento sakin. Naisip ko na siguro I have to get to know the girl para naman mawala na yung selos na nararamdaman ko. Pero bago ko sila malapitan, they hugged, the girl was in tears, and then he kissed her in the forehead and looked into her eyes deeply and he was saying something to her. Hindi ko marinig ang conversation nila kase medyo mahina and dahil narin siguro sa nasasaktan ako sa nakikita ko. So just like the first time, I backed away, and I went straight home. 30 minutes later tinatry nya tumawag. I didn't answer. After 10 missed calls. Nag text sya:

Clarence: Hey hearty, bat parang sobrang late ka ngayon?

Harron: Beanie kase I remembered may importante pala akong lakad today and aabutin ng gabi.

Clarence: Ha? Anu namang lakad yan at aabutin pa ng gabi?

Harron: Basta! I can't tell. It's urgent and confidential.

Clarence: Sayang naman, I was going to introduce you to Aprille.

Harron: Sorry Beanie I just can't. I'm sorry.

Clarence: Pero siguro naman maihahatid mo ako bukas sa airport?

Harron: I'll try.

Hindi ako makatulog that night. I keep on tossing and turning and I just can't sleep. Nakatulog na ako ng 3am.

And the day has come. Paalis na si Clarence. I actually woke up late. It's already 1pm. I've had 29 missed calls from Clarence and 1 message. I never opened it. I ignored my phone. I didn't get up. I stayed in bed. 3pm ang flight nya.

It is now 4pm, and I decided to get out of bed. Then nakita ko sila uncle Matthew with his son Akhi. They're visiting mula sa kabilang city. It was Akhi's first time here so naturally kinailangan ko syang samahan lumabas and go some places in town.

We were sitting outside the cafe and then he started asking me:

Akhi: Insan, may problema ba?

Harron: Bakit mo naman natanong?

Akhi: Para kaseng ang lungkot lungkot mo. Parang wala ka sa sarili.

Harron: *Sigh* you know how it is when you miss your bestfriend so much? Na imbis ihahatid mo sya sa pag alis nya ng bansa you choose not to because feeling mo that's inappropriate and that his girlfriend should be the one seeing him off?

Akhi: So nagseselos ka?

Harron: What? No! Haven't you been paying attention? I said he is my bestfriend.

Akhi: Oo alam ko. Pero kung bff mo lang tlga sya, you won't be sighing all day at magmumukhang depressed na kagaya ngayon at magkukwento ng tungkol sa girlfriend nya.

Harron: Well I'm not really sure if she was his girlfriend. He never said na naging sila. But maybe he skipped that part.

Akhi: Alam mo insan, pinagdaanan ko na yan. Na inlove ako sa bestfriend ko nung senior years ng high school kase sobrang bait nya. I was in denial sa nararamdaman ko noon kahit sa sarili ko because of the fact that he was my bestfriend at dahil narin sa lalaki sya. Nung time na ready na akong tanggapin na mahal ko tlga sya at ready na akong aminin sa kanya, it was too late. He got into an accident. I cried my heart out. Kase kahit man lang siguro nasabi ko sa kanya na mahal ko sya sapat na ang mahalaga nalaman nya pero hindi eh. So you know, I suggest kahit wala na sya sa tabi mo, admit it to yourself na mahal mo sya kase buhay pa naman sya.

Harron: But it's clear that he doesn't feel the same way.

Akhi: See! Inamin mo rin! Pero ano ngayon? Gusto ka man nya o hindi ang importante nasabi mo sa kanya at least wala kang pinagsisisihan and you won't end up wondering what would've happened if you actually confessed to him.

Harron: I think you're right cuz. I think I do love him.

Then I started crying

Akhi: Insan let's call it a day. Uwi na tayo nang makapag pahinga ka.

Harron: Okay.

Kinabukasan at the cafe. I saw a familiar face, nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. Then I went on walking avoiding her pero lumapit sya sakin and said:

Aprille: Hi! You must be Harron? Clarence's best friend?

Harron: Yup that's me.

Aprille: Can we talk?

Harron: Yeah sure. Umupo muna tayo.

Pagka-upo...

Aprille: Alam mo ba, Clarence was always talking about you.

Harron: Really?

Aprille: Yes. He keeps telling me about how cute, smart, fun and strong you are. Na ikaw daw yung tipo ng tao na hindi basta basta nag gigive up no matter how tough the situation is. Kinukwento nya kung gaano ka kasipag at ka totoong tao at kung paanong gusto mong e inspire ang buhay ng ibang tao.

Harron: I'm confused. Why would he tell you all of these things?

Aprille: Because I'm his girlfriend and I deserve to know.

*Awkward silence*

Aprille: Pshhh oh my god he is right! He does know you well.

Harron: Pardon?

Aprille: Sabi din nya you're kinda gullible. So you actually believed me when I said that I was his girlfriend? Haha.

Harron: Ooookay I don't really know where this conversation is going.

Aprille: You know, the first time I met Clarence was just a month ago at a hospital.

Harron: ....

Aprille: He was a volunteer. I was a patient. Sa lahat ng nandoon ako yung pinaka tahimik at laging umiiyak at parang galit sa mundo. I hated my home, my family. We are rich but that's all there is. I was diagnosed with a cancer. He came and talked to me. Clarence gave me hope when I needed it most.

Harron: I don't know what to say. I'm sorry-

Aprille: I'm not done talking. He talks about you. I mean a lot at mula sa mga kwentong iyon, I got inspired. I mean, I felt like I can be just like you, not giving up. No matter how impossible it may seem you just keep pushing. When I learned that he was about to leave country I got really sad. Parang feeling ko mawawalan nanaman ako ng pag asa because Clarence was the closest to the feeling of family i've ever had.

So a day before his flight he told me that he would finally introduce me to you. Sabi nya we're gonna be good friends and that you would somehow take care of me in his place but you never showed up. Inexplain nya na may importante kang lakad. But I saw you from the window of the cafe leaving. Then I knew what was going on.

Harron: Wait, how do you even know that it was me?

Aprille: Pictures! Silly. He shows me pictures of you in his phone. I can tell, you're in love with him.

Harron: Thanks for telling me these things Aprille I really appreciate it. Oh! Look at the time, I think I have to go home.

Aprille: Can I get your number at least?

Harron: Oh sure. Here..

Aprille: Thanks.

Harron: Okay.

Aprille: Kay wait!

Harron: What is it?

Aprille: There's one more thing. You know he loves you so much. Hindi lang bilang bestfriend. Iniibig ka nya. Mula pa man noon kinukwento na nya sa akin. Kung panong di nya maamin sa'yo ang nararamdaman nya dahil hindi ka pa raw ready. Because you're too focused on your studies at sa tingin mo sagabal lang ang pag ibig sa pag aaral mo. But you know, he's really doting on you.

Tear swell from my eyes. Hindi mapigilan ang pag tulo ng luha ko. Tuloy tuloy na parang agos ng ulan.

Then I said...

Harron: Thank you so much Aprille.

Then I turned and walked away

I went to the treehouse still crying.

I feel liked I'm being stabbed. Like my heart is being crumpled. Then I yelled

Harron: Beanie!!!! You're so unfair!!!! Bakit ganito??? Just when I am ready to accept my feelings for you, just when I knew that you feel the same way mawawala ka naman sakin? Napaka unfair naman! Ang sakit sakit. I don't know how to go on. I was too dense. All these time ako pala ang tinutukoy mo. Sa mga kwento mo. I was blinded by anger and jealousy... Mahal na mahal kita Clarence!... Huhuhu

Then biglang may naramdaman akong yumakap mula sa likuran ko.

Clarence: wag ka na umiyak hearty ko.

I quickly turned around and I saw Clarence, standing there in front of me.

Harron: Beanie?! Bakit nandito ka?

Clarence: I just couldn't leave. You didn't even say goodbye. Sinabi ko sa parents ko na hindi ako aalis. Sinabi ko na hindi ko kayang umalis ng bansa kung alam kong ang taong pinaka mamahal ko ay maiiwang nag iisa dito. Alam kong malulungkot ka. Pumunta ako dito sa treehouse nagbabakasakaling pupunta karin to surprise you! But it seems that I was the one who's in for a surprise. Totoo ba hearty ko? Na mahal mo rin ako?

Harron: Hindi totoo yun. I was just practicing some lines from the school play.

Clarence: Talaga? Oh di sige aalis na ako.

Harron: Hey wait! I was kidding! I love you Beanie! I love you Clarence!

Clarence: You know, I could've declined my parents earlier back then pero I was already considering na umalis kase, pakiramdam ko nang dahil sakin, walang lumalapit sa'yo na ibang lalaki or manliligaw at naalala ko na parati mong sinasabi na hindi ka magkakagusto sakin kase we're bestfriends. So minabuti kong umoo sa pagsama sa parents ko para palayain ka at mabigyan ka ng chance.

Harron: Beanie, There's no one on earth I'd rather be with but you.

Then we held hands and stared at each others eyes for a long time then he said

Clarence: I love you Hearty ko. Mahal na mahal kita Harron.

Harron: I love you too Beanie. Mahal na mahal din kita Clarence

And then we kissed and the End!!!!

---

Dear readers, this story was originally "Kayrence" meaning, a love story I wrote inspired by two of my friends that I ship so much. I wanted to share the story here so I edited some parts and made it a boyxboy story. So you could notice how Harron is a bit too feminine in this story. Anyways I hope you guys enjoyed it just like you guys enjoyed Confused In Love from book 1 to 3 and still ongoing here in this site. See you on my next submission.

From the very first time he already knew that I was gay. We first met at a treehouse by the forest and eversince then, everyday kami nagkikita doon.

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