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What Seemed Special

By: Steady Lang Ser This is only a recall of my "sexual experience" with another guy. Actually, a friend. The sexual experience is...

By: Steady Lang Ser

This is only a recall of my "sexual experience" with another guy. Actually, a friend. The sexual experience is in quotation marks kasi wala naman talagang intense intercourse na nangyari. Yet, it really felt different. Everything seemed special, and yeah, the silent conversation after that.

I am G., 25, 5'7, brown, and stocky. Pogi din ako, hawig daw kay Guidicelli, whoever he is. I'm from a known university whose students find the word 'others' extremely hilarious. He's P., 25, 6'0, fair, medium built, gwapo. He's from another university sa bandang, uhh, Taft. Magkaklase kami sa isang private school sa probinsya eight years old pa lang kami, nahiwalay lang nung nagkolehiyo na. Medyo bitter pa yang si P. nung high school kasi di sya pumasa sa school ko. Though mukha namang mas magaling sya sa akin.

We were never close in grade school, even in high school. I think we even hated each other, kasi nga hindi ako straight, tapos sya hindi masyadong friendly sa babae at bading. He was a science geek when we were younger, I was the language shark. Lagi kong kino-correct spelling nya ("Chalk hindi chok!") pati tenses. Syempre palagi lang syang ngumingiti pero alam ko he was filled with expletives inside, haha. Mayaman yang si P., as in mayaman. Ako yung tipong nakapasok lang sa private school kasi tinutulungan ng kamag-anak.

But everything went very well between us two in college--actually, among us six. Anim kaming magkakaibigan. Lahat sa magagandang universities sa Maynila. Dalawang gays, tatlong babae, at si P. Yeah I know it was strange that he was part of the circle whose members aren't men. Siguro it was the intelligent talks we had over coffee, the intimate conversations we share about our dreams, lives, and families. Niligawan nga niya yung isa sa amin, pero busted. Aw. Sorry, P.
Sa aming anim, kami ang pinaka-close. Kami ang palaging magkatext, minsan pa he would go to the campus kahit taga Taft sya. We would stroll, debate about things, ganun. Kadalasan nililibre nya ako, maraming times nya ko pinautang kasi hindi naman ako nabibigyan ng pera ng magulang ko. May time pa na pinahiram nya yung isang laptop nya sa akin for three months, nung wala pa akong laptop. I think you get the picture. He was a real nice guy. That's why I couldn't understand then why our friend busted him.

Until now, I think those times he made generous gestures were only because he loved me as a friend, and he wanted me to finish college.

Years passed, dumating yung time na nagka girlfriend sya, at di na sya masyadong sumasama sa amin. Dati kung may labas, palagi syang nauuna sa venue. Ngayon, palaging busy daw, blah blah. Mukha nya. We knew it was the girlfriend. Sabi naman nung isa sa amin, baka daw pinagbabawalan na sya ng Dad nya na sumama sa amin kasi baka maging bading yung anak nya. Andami naming conspiracy theories nun, feeling Sherlock.

Then isang araw nalaman namin na aalis sya for abroad. Basta isang bansa kung saan umuulan ng snow. Dun ata sya mag-aaral ng post grad at di na tatapusin yung Masters nya dito kahit thesis na lang kulang. Ewan, wala na rin kami kasing pakialam sa kanya nun. Syempre nagseselos kami sa girlfriend nya kasi nawalan kami ng kaibigan. Incidentally, birthday celebration nung nambusted sa kanya, and we decided to celebrate it in her apartment. This was in year 2011. Ininvite namin sya. Susunod daw. Tangina, paalis na't lahat, "busy"pa rin. So sabi namin, okay. Punta na lang sya kung gusto nya. Yeah, we were clingy friends.

Sa mga naghihintay ng sexy time, I think this is the part.

Mga bandang 10pm nung dumating sya, at nag-iinuman na lang kami nun. Madami nang umuwi, so kokonti na lang pagkain na naabutan nya. Jinoke pa nga namin sya na P200 yung contribution. I was soooo drunk then, as in I would laugh hysterically even in the corniest jokes. Pinapainom namin sya pero ayaw. Pagod daw, nagkita daw sila ng girlfriend nya. We just exchanged glances and smirks with one thought in mind: girlfriend na naman.

Mga around 1am nung nagdecide kaming matulog. Gusto pa nga sanang umuwi ni P. kaso wala na syang masakyan (we were in Rizal then) so nagstay na lang sya. Bale yung tatlo, sa isang kwarto, tapos kaming tatlo nila P. and another friend, sa kabilang kwarto. Sa gitna sya, ako sa kaliwa nya. Natulog na kami.

Nagising ako mga bandang 2am kasi ang init. Tapos, nakita ko si P. na tulog na tulog. Ewan, di ko alam kung bakit ko naisipang hipuan sya. For all I know, di ko naman sya type kahit gwapo sya. Ni hindi ko nga sya pinag-iisipan ng masama kahit kelan. Basta, nalibugan na lang ako. Alak yata yun. Ewan, tangina. Sige sige, aalis na rin naman sya ng bansa, hawakan ko na.

Tinapat ko kamay ko sa crotch nya, di naman sya gumalaw. Sobrang kaba ko nun, as in nanginginig ako kahit mainit. Then unti unti ko nang hinimas, wala lang syang reaction. Nakaidlip ako sa ganung posisyon. Paggising ko, hawak ko pa rin.

So binaba ko zipper nya nang sobrang dahan dahan. Then I cupped his thing while it was inside his briefs. It was big, he's a six footer for crying out loud. Nakapikit pala ako habang ginagawa ko lahat ito. At dahil nakapikit ako, at dahil na rin sa alak. Nakaidlip ulit ako. Haha. Di ko nga alam kung libog ba talaga yun, kasi nakakatulog ako.

Paggising ko, hawak ko parin. So, sabi ko, game. Pinasok ko kamay ko sa loob. Daming buhok, puta. At ang laki talaga. Kaya ata di maiwan ng girlfriend. Hinimas ko. Then nagulat ako. Tumitigas. Tangina lumalaki yung kanya. Shit shit shit gusto ko na bitiwan pero di ko ginawa. Jinakol ko nang dahan dahan. This time, alam ko di na ko makakaidlip.

Kaso nung parang matagal na kami sa ganung posisyon, gumalaw sya,. He turned his face away from me, tapos ako kuha agad ng kamay. After some minutes, binalikan ko sya. I put his thing inside the briefs, zipped him up, and tried to go back to sleep. Chineck ko phone ko, 5:30 na pala.

Bumaba ako sa sala. Gulat pa rin sa ginawa namin. I stared at the beer bottles in disarray. May bowl sa sofa, spaghetti pa sa bowl, may ipis sa spaghetti. I look at the whitewashed walls, they only stared back. Shit minanyak ko kaibigan ko. Pwede namang magjakol na lang, but no. Nanghipo ako, jinakol ko sya. I was in a total deranged state of mind.

Tapos bumaba sya. Umupo sa sofa sa tapat ko. Naknampucha. Di ko sya tinignan, pumikit na lang ako tapos umakyat sa taas. Ginising ko yung iba, sabi ko uuwi na ako. Di ko alam kung ano dahilan ko, thesis yata or meeting. Ewan, basta gusto ko na lang umuwi. Nagising na lahat ng tao, then pagbaba namin, nagsasapatos na si P. Sasabay daw sya sa akin, uwi na rin daw sya.

Tangina naman. Sige, nagsabay kami. Tahimik lang ako habang naglalakad kami. Then he began speaking.

P: "Talagang awkward na tayo?"
Ako: "Siguro."

Tinignan ko lang sya at ngumiti. Nahihiya pa rin ako sa ginawa ko. Nag-jeep kami, sya pa yata nagbayad ng pamasahe ko. Bumaba kami sa Katipunan. Ako magji-jeep pa ulit pauwi, sya nag LRT na. Pagdating ko sa dorm, nagtext sya.

"Thanks, G."

Nandun na sya ngayon sa lugar kung saan may snow. Chinachat pa rin nya ako sa FB, at nag uusap kami. Madalas, kulitan lang. Tinanggap ko na yung circumstance. I think, strange things really happen. And these things are better left unsaid. Thanks for reading.

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What Seemed Special
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