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To My Cheerleader (Part 1)

By: Ian The first time I saw you was when you first joined the squad. You were just a typical newbie back then. I understood that you kn...

By: Ian

The first time I saw you was when you first joined the squad. You were just a typical newbie back then. I understood that you knew nothing but I definitely did see that you were trying your best to learn. You listened attentively, watched every step I taught, asked questions when you didn’t understand how to do basic elements, and practiced very well. You can be easily taught. That’s when I started admiring you.

You were skilled. I think that was innate in you. I taught you how to lift. You did j-ups and walk-ups. Tossed a flyer with an impressive height. I taught you how to do a round off and a buck tuck. And you did both in series. Your jumps were high and your movements were sharp. I honestly thought you were just messing around saying you didn’t have any background in cheer sports. But I did see that you were looking up to me. You were thirsty for skills and I admired you more for that.

You were sweet and soft spoken but at the same time, you were aggressive in trainings. You always push yourself to your limits to the point that you almost did a scorpion. You were even more flexible than the girls. You were talented and I admired you even better.

We were so close in your first year. Almost every after trainings, we ate dinner. You asked for my help in your acads and I was more that happy to teach you what I learned three years ago. You slept over my apartment several times. We sometimes chugged beer and ate mary jane brownies. You were so sweet that I started to feel differently.

Everything happened so fast. I finally acknowledged my feelings for you. I knew that I liked you and I was happy when you were around. I was pretty sure you felt the same way too. That night when I finally confessed, you were shocked with disbelief. Under the stars over my balcony, you said you were happy about how I felt about you. But I felt you held back, you said you only saw me as a brother. That you don’t swing that way. That you were straight. That you didn’t feel the same to me as I did towards you.

I was broken.

All those things you showed me were just for mere friendship. For brotherhood rather. I understood that you may never fall for me since you were straight. It was just me assuming things. I tell you, I didn’t assume, I was just hoping.

But that same night, under the stars and over the same balcony, you inched closer to me, held my face no one ever did before, and our lips met. That few seconds felt like eternity. You pulled back then you hugged me so tight that I felt secure. But then you told me, “I’m sorry. But that’s all I could give.” That night was a turning point for me and it’ll be kept forever between us.

I tried my best to keep our friendship together and it did. We were just like before. Nothing has changed. You still looked up to me and I still admired you. Even though you didn’t accept how I feel for you, it was still the same for me. I didn’t know why or how but my feelings for you never changed. And I was okay with that.

You started seeing some girl you just met for 2 months. I knew because you were open to me just like before. I saw that you were happy because you were always smiling at her and that smile was too familiar for me. I ignored every thing. Pain, jealousy, and all that other stuff because I am in no place to be jealous at the first place.

Through out the years until I graduated, it seemed like our friendship was becoming a blur. Yes, we see each other in trainings but the space between us was getting wider. You had several girlfriends some of them I didn’t know about. I was busy doing thesis and all graduating stuff.

We became more apart when I moved out of school and prepared for my board exam. Thankfully I became a licensed professional and you were at your third year. That was what I last heard about you because we didn’t kept in touch.

A couple of years passed by, I visited the squad’s training. I honestly looked for you but I only saw your batch mates. I learned that you dropped your course, the course that you kept talking about before. It was your dream to finish that course. Your batch mates said you transferred course just to stay in UST. You told me before that it was your dream school, that you would do anything just to pass through the Arch with pride and dignity. Maybe you can still pass the Arch but not with the course you dreamt of.

After training, your batch mates asked for me to come with them for a 2 bottle sesh. And that 2 bottles became 2 cases. It was very nostalgic, I felt like I was back in college.

Hours passed, one by one, your batch mates left the bar leaving me with one of your friend. He was your batch mate and class mate. You were good friends as what he have told me.

We had lots of catching up and laughters. But the ambiance changed when he started asking.

“Do you still love him?”

“What?”

“I said do you still love him?”

“…”

“He’s lost. You know.”

“Lost?”

“Ever since you left school, he changed massively.”

“How is this about me?”

“Dude. I’m his classmate and his best friend. Did you really think I didn’t know anything?”

“…”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about him.”

“Wait, what do you know exactly?”

“Fine, I’ll tell you. But listen carefully, I don’t want to repeat this all over again. Got it?”

“Okay.”

“Our classmates had been very doubtful to him ever since he joined the squad. Yes, I know it’s not right for us to think of our friend that way. But listen to me first. He always talks about the squad, of how happy he is when he’s training. He talks about how good and nice the members are. How he learns a ton of shit. That’s why some of our friends became interested in joining the squad. And see where it brought me too?”

“I tell you, you are one of the best lifters we’ve had.”

“Anyway, aside from all these things he said, one more thing he always talks about, and it bugs us because he never stops…”

“…”

“…is you.”

“…”

“He fell apart when you left UST.”

“So it’s my fault.”

“No, no. Kuya. We’re not blaming anyone here. You see, you left him in charge of the squad because we know you believed that he can handle such position as head. We also believed in him because we trust your decisions. But then..”

“But then what?”

“Power has eaten him, kuya. He became overwhelmed by his position. Yes, we know he was skilled and shit but there’s only one thing that he wants to achieve but honestly, we know he can never be.”

“…”

“He wanted to be like you.”

“…”

“I remembered a day when he was so depressed. He just kept muttering something about the stars. That he wanted someone to stay where they are, just like the stars.”

“The stars, yeah, I remember.”

“I couldn’t handle seeing him like that. That’s why, as his best friend, I talked to him. And he told me every thing. About him, about you, about the both of you and stuff. I just kept quiet because I know it is for the best”

“What about me?”

“Duh. I know you love him, kuya.”

“Shut up. And us?”

“So, how’s the kiss? ”

“Fuck. Alright then.”

“woah woah woah, aren’t you gonna ask about him.”

“What to ask for? He already told me I’m just a brother to him. There could never be something between us.”

“He just told us that he’s confused about himself so we asked him directly if he’s gay.”

“You are one mean friend, dude. And what did he say?”

“He don’t know, actually…”

“oh, I see.”

“But when you’re around him…”

“…”

“He always felt he’s being his true self.”

“ohh, I guess that’s… something.”

“And one more thing…”

“hm?”

“You’re the star he’s been waiting for. He regret of letting you go. Because he finally understood that he will find the value of something when it’s gone.”

I say to you, the star never left. It has been always where it is. The star is coming for you.

Answering your friend's first question?

Yes, I still and will always love you and I will win you back.

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Mencircle: To My Cheerleader (Part 1)
To My Cheerleader (Part 1)
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